


Love in secret

by emerwenaranel



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Incest, Parent/Child Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:00:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25131277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerwenaranel/pseuds/emerwenaranel
Summary: Aldarion finds his daughter after many years and they fall in love with each other.
Relationships: Aldarion /Ancalime





	Love in secret

I try to remember the last time when I saw my father. But I cannot remember when this moment was and I hate that. I wish I could recall how I felt when we met that moment but I cannot do that and I hate myself too much for this. I loathe myself for being unable to recall his voice and his face but I am still wondering where he is now and what he is up to. My mother avoids talking about him. When she speaks about him, she condemns him. As a matter of fact, Erendis hates all men and she has taught me to hate them as well. She makes me so depressed and I need to be away from her, to escape from this bleak house and calm down for once. I do not need to be so solemn and sad. Not anymore. It is not that I hate my mother but I do not need to be so sad every time I am by her side. And I am with her all the time. This house is full of pain and suffering. I doubt I can do this anymore. I need to escape from her but this does not mean that I have to find a husband. Mother has convinced me that men are terrible beings and I do not want to be married until the end of my life. But I need to find father if he ever comes back to Numenor. I am sure that he has changed. At least, this is what I hope for. I do not want him to hate me because I spend too much time with my mother just because they hate each other. I want to meet him and talk to him about anything and everything. Out of curiosity. I am so curious about him! I want to know if he is as bad as mother has described him. Or if he is better than she wants to admit. I do not know and I know nothing at all because too much time has passed since the last time we met. I cannot remember him and I doubt that he remembers me either. But I want him to remember me most vividly, even though I cannot recall his face and his voice. I need to remember him, I have to. But time passes slowly and father has not come back yet. I wonder where he is now. I need him to come back as soon as possible because I need to ask him why he has hurt as so much. I am in pain too because I never had a father figure in my life. This is awful, really. I would be different if he was by my side, if he remembered his duties as a father and a husband. At least, this is what my mother keeps saying about him. Aldarion is his name, and I am Ancalime. He has such a wonderful name, has he not? But I guess that I have to wait for him to come back to Numenor. When he will come back, though? This, I do not know. However, I want him to return. I have so many questions to ask him. I want to know why he is absent for such a long time, to the point I was almost oblivious of his existence. I still wonder why he did that to us. Why did he have to go so far away? I have to ask him that. I need to know the truth, or his version of the truth, to be more precise. I want to know what happened between them and they hate each other so much. I need to find out, I must remember his face and his voice. I need to see him when he comes back. If he ever returns to Numenor. I fear sometimes that Aldarion is dead but this is probably an irrational fear. I want him to stay alive so I can ask him all the questions I want to ask. It is his obligation to stay alive and come back home, despite the fact that my mother does not want to see him again. But I want to see Aldarion after all these years of isolation at Emerie. I want to succeed him as I am his only child. There is no hope for a sibling. My mother hates him so much that she does not want to make love with him ever again. She is nauseated at the very thought of him, she really hates him too much. She has taught me to hate him as well because he is constantly absent from his homeland, too far away to recall his face and his voice. But, as I have already said, I want to see him and talk to him about anything and everything. My mother has spoken rarely about him, and I must find a way to meet him if he ever comes back to Yozayan. Let's hope that he will pay me a visit when he returns. He paid me a visit the last time he was here or so I think. But I cannot remember this meeting quite well, unfortunately, because it took place a long time ago. I must remember everything, it is too important. I will ask my grandparents about him since my mother does not want to ask my questions about Aldarion. I hate the fact that she does not want to reply. I know how she feels but I believe that she should have said something about her husband. On the other hand, I guess that Erendis is a very vengeful person. But I more determined than her. I am too determined to meet Aldarion as soon as he comes back to Numenor from Middle Earth. At least, this is what my mother keeps saying. That my father loves going to Middle Earth and spend too much time with Gil-galad. This is the reason why I do not like the elf. I firmly believe that humans are much better than the Elves. We have suffered too much because of them, so I doubt that we owe them our allegiance. I will tell my father to stop helping those Elves when it is obvious that they can fight alone. I would rather help the humans of Middle Earth since we have common ancestors. To the extent that this is possible, of course. No more Elves! But this is the moment when I hear a man's footsteps approaching me. This man is walking with great confidence towards me and he looks vaguely familiar, as if we have met before. I recognize him now because he is my father. I do not hug him, even though I am staring at his most handsome face. I wonder if I look like him. I do not know, even though he claims that I am the most beautiful woman in Arda. I am sure that he is right, and mother would agree with him- for the last time in her miserable life. But I am at loss for words, I do not know how to react but he knows what to say. Aldarion explain why he used to be absent for so many years and I believe him. But I do not like the fact that he is so friendly with the Elves for I distrust them. I do not want him to go back to Middle Earth, I must dissuade him. But I think that he knows that he cannot do this anymore. He knows he has to stay here from now on. Aldarion just said to me that I will help him govern this kingdom from now on because he distrusts Erendis. This is going to hurt her too much but I guess I do not care about her feelings anymore. I am too tired of her. I will live in the palace from now on and I will enjoy my life among equals because I am a true princess. And he told me that I will be a ruling queen one day. I am sure that my grandparents will love me even more now. They will be too happy to see my face after so many years. I have to get to know them because they are my family after all. I must behave properly but I will miss the voices of the sheep. I cannot sleep without listening to their voices. But I guess I have to do this, I know I can govern with an iron fist. I will wait for the moment when I will be the queen of Numenor. I want to be someone important, I want to be better than my parents. I know that I can be much better than them because I hope that I have learned from their mistakes. I have to avoid the traps that future holds for me. On the other hand, I really like my father. I can see that he is a most handsome man, everyone can see that. I am attracted to him even though I know that this is not normal. But he is back now, and this means that he belongs to me. The whole world must be mine and only mine. I must conquer my father's heart, I want him to realize that he belongs to me from now on. I will do everything I can to make him mine. I want to fight until the end to make him understand that he is mine and only mine. I doubt that he has realized that yet but he will soon. I must find a way to conquer his body and his soul. I want to prove to him that he cannot escape now. He will never be able to. I want him to know that. And he just found out that I love him because I just kissed his lips. I know that I took him off guard but I do not think I care. On the other hand, I think he liked that, he really liked it. And I will do it again if I can. But I guess I have to stop now. I want him to think about what has just happened between us. I want him to think about it all the time. If he thinks about it, he will never leave again. I do not want him to abandon me ever again. I am so tired of all the times he had to sail away to Middle Earth. I think that I am in love with him and I wonder how this is possible since he is my father. I guess that this is not normal but I do not care. This is the first time I fall in love with someone and I fear that this will be my doom because this is not a normal feeling. I hate this so much because I never wanted to feel like this. My mother had warned me about that feeling. Unfortunately, it happened to me and I cannot escape from him. I am in love with him and I feel weak. I hate feeling weak because I need to be strong and govern this kingdom one day. I have to find a way to escape from this feeling, if it is possible. On the other hand, I fear that this is not possible. It is so scary to be in love with him because I cannot think clearly. And I always wanted to be able to think logically. I must escape from this awful situation if I can. If I can. I seriously doubt that. And I am too sad because of that.

But I am so in love with him and I truly believe that my father adores me as well. He is also in love with me, I can see it in his eyes and I am deeply flattered. I want him to be in love with me, I want him to adore me until the end of his life. And we, the Numenoreans, live for too many years, even though we are mortals. I am not afraid of death but I want him to adore me. Just like I love him too much. I need him in my life just like he needs me right now. I know that he cannot escape from me anymore. I cannot escape from him either. It is a difficult situation for us both but I hope that we can make it happen. I really want this to happen because I love him now and I am sure that he loves me as well. There is no hope for us, I guess, but I truly want to be with him all the time. I cannot imagine my life without Aldarion. I wish him to stay with me forever.  
But my mother is between us and I know that everyone will disapprove of our relationship. We must keep it secret and protect ourselves that way. We must pretend that we care for our people and govern well as long as Numenor will last. On the other hand, I wish to do as I please when I will be the queen of Numenor. But now, I am just a princess. And I must help my father govern this kingdom well. I think that he can do this alone but he needs me by his side when he becomes the king, he just made it clear. Too clear. And I want to help him because I truly admire him. And I want to escape from my mother's tormenting presence. She will get hurt but I do not care about her anymore. I dislike her and I distrust her too much. I think that she can live alone now. Only bitterness will be her friend. I do not want to be like her because I am in love with him now, even though I know that it is wrong to be in love with my father. But I do not care, why should I? I doubt that she can separate us now because we love each other. My mother is powerless now, she is defenceless, she cannot harm us anymore.

I am alone now, lost in my thoughts, trying to understand what is going on. I want to work this out, I want this relationship to last forever but, as I already said, we must keep it secret from everyone, especially from Soronto, who covets the throne. I can see it in his eyes, he wants to be the king of Numenor but he shall never be because I know that I am going to be the queen of the kingdom. I am a true heiress of kings and queens and I will govern well. My people will prosper. I know that I can do it because I have learned how to govern the hard way. I am sure that I will learn more from my father, who is as determined as I am. We will pursue similar policies. Our only difference is that I distrust the Elves. My father has helped them too much but I am not going to do such a thing.  
This is a difference I really like, however. I need to be myself in order to impress him. I wish to be different from the woman who gave birth to me. It is the only way that can impress Aldarion. I want him so much in my life that I cannot breathe. I love him that much. And I can see in his eyes that he adores me beyond belief. I love him and he loves me and we can make this work, I know it now. I know that we can be happy together forever. He needed to be with me from the very first moment, and I need the same thing. I am sure that we can be happy together, even if we do not let the others know that we are in love with each other. We can be happy until the end of our lives. This is the only thing that matters right now, the only thing that I want. I want to be with him all the time and talk about everything that I can think of.

I think that we need to get rid of my mother and Soronto, of course. We must send them far away from us just to be happy together forever. He covets the throne while mother is too vengeful and bitter to think clearly. I cannot think much clearly, however. I am so in love with him that I do not want to be with anyone else, even though I know that I must find a husband sooner or later. I only wish that I can be with my father right now and talk to him about anything I can think of. I do not want to lose him and he does not want to lose me. I know that we can make it happen because we love each other too much. Mother cannot ruin our lives anymore. She is too weak to do that. He was sad when he was far away from us but now he is happy because he is with me. And I am too happy when I spend time with him. I really love him that much because Aldarion is such an amazing person.

I am alive now, thanks to him. I hope that this love will last forever because we are meant for each other. I hope that my father will always be here for me. I will always be here for him. He is the best person I know and I cannot imagine my life without him. I wish we could be far away from the rest of the world because we are so in love with each other but we must be patient and govern our people well. We can do this together, I know that now. I want to be with him all the time and he needs to be with me forever and ever.


End file.
